Remember Relationship Maintenance

Guys, I'm posting this for you as a public service, to help get you prepared for one of the most terrifying questions you can hear from your wife or girlfriend:

“Hon, do you remember what day it is today?”

We've all been there. As she stands before you in sweet anticipation, your fight-or-flight response kicks in, pulse racing, and you think, “Don't panic. It's not our anniversary, we were married sometime in the middle of June. Her birthday was just a few months ago...”

You're thinking (but I hope you don't actually say), “Uh, Tuesday?”

I know guys who will absolutely not let their car go beyond 3000 miles between oil changes, schedule their computer hard drives to be automatically defragged and backed up, religiously keep their lawns mowed and fertilized, and hit the driving range weekly to work on their golf swings.

“If I don't take care of it, it won't work as well as it should.” Or as the mechanic in the old Fram oil filter commercial used to say, “You can pay me now -- or pay me later.”

What's the key to a great relationship? We guys should already know the answer: periodic maintenance. The females in our lives need periodic reminders, explicit but not necessarily extravagant, of what they mean to us, that they hold a special place in our hearts. Relationship maintenance needs to happen early and often. So what have you done for her lately?

If you are reading this just before Valentine's Day, the Super Bowl of relationship maintenance, you may not have enough time to order her flowers (hint: in a pinch, most florists have walk-up service!). In that case, you may have to get creative.

First, stop whatever you're doing and think about what you love most about her. This essential step will bring authenticity to what you'll be doing next. Take off work early or over your lunch break, elbow your way into the throng of last-minute Valentine's Day card shoppers, and buy the best card you can find (the selection may be picked over at this point).

Next, and this is the hard part for us guys, try to come up with a unique expression of your love for her that she will feel like it was made only for her. Since time (and perhaps money) is short, you might need to muster some real creativity. Think about something personal, with some connection to your relationship: prepare a favorite meal, buy her a copy of a movie you enjoyed together, bring her a bottle of wine like the one you shared on vacation.

Sometime later during the year (in addition to her birthday and your anniversary), repeat this exercise. Don't forget. There is no heart-shaped Check Relationship light on your dashboard next to the fuel and engine temperature gauges, so if necessary, write yourself a note and tape it to your smoke alarm batteries or furnace filter, on the back of a snow shovel, or in with the Christmas lights!

Keep it up, and before long it will seem as natural as swapping out propane tanks for the grill. Next Valentine's Day, when you have her surprise ready two days early, imagine her smile when she hears you ask, “Hey, do you know what day it is today?”